December 20, 2012-

Yes, it’s the day before the world supposedly ends. And still, through all of this chaos, all I can manage to think about is you. Ever since I received your messages on the 20th of November, precisely a month ago, I can’t help but wonder about you. I’m in a constant state of yearning for your attention. I long for the moment that I finally see you again, person to person, eye to eye. I don’t believe my mind can even fathom the possibility of that potential experience. I’m convinced that the thought of you will most likely never leave my brain. I’m not sure if I’m content or angry with this idea. I guess time can only tell. 

September 28, 2012-

I wish I could talk to someone. Anyone.

I want to end this life and move onto my eternal life with my Savior, please.

It’s all I want.

August 12, 2012-

Currently I’m in Cabo right now sitting in my hotel room and all I could really think about this vacation is you. After the first time of us hanging out at your house in Dana a couple weeks ago, when I caught you looking at me several times a lot has happened. I’ve got missed calls from 12 a.m. from Andrew saying it was you and also how you asked me for my number.. and at Hume when we would play around and sort of flirt.. but seriously kid, you’ve got me hung on you. You’re so easy to be around and funny and cute. And not to mention, you’re strong in your faith. I wouldn’t be talking about this at all if I didn’t think something was going on here. I guess we’ll just have to see what happens when I return from Cabo at LNL…

P.S. and Z, you’ll always be somewhere in the back of my head.

July 20, 2012-

You’ve entered my mind once again after I had not the best night after LNL and when “Teenage Dream” came on in the car on the way home. I felt like God really put it on my heart that somehow we’re not done here. I feel like this will always be unfinished business, because it’s you. As much as I try to replace you I really can’t. I really feel like you’re the only person who gets me, who I could probably tell you anything and I know that you wouldn’t judge me. After a couple of songs that reminded me of you and some archived facebook messages later, I decided to tell you that I was basically sorry for trying to delete you out of my life.. you told me that you’ll always be there for me whenever I need you and that you’d never hurt me. I’m assuming by the last part you mean never again. You also said that you have no sort of “intentions” about me until the day that I turn 18. That part right there is what truly confused me the most. But I think mystery and wonder is what’s fun about this. Once again, I’m left completely unsure of the future. Praying that God would help me through this and with you.

July 14, 2012-

First of all, you caught my attention on Wednesday when we went t.p.ing. You were so polite and kind. Our birthdays are only a week away from each other and you told me it was “awesome” that I was going to Hume this year. Last night you pulled me aside from everyone just to ask ever so politely, “so Rachel, do you think you can hang out after this?” you also called me pretty. twice. in front of everyone.

S, you’re cute.

July 7, 2012-

Is it strange that I’m starting to miss school after only 2 weeks of summer? I’ve been really thinking deeply about college and life lately.. I’ve thought about just getting my GED and starting saddleback this fall instead of senior year. Most people would think I’m crazy to do that but in all honesty, I really don’t see any point in senior year. Yes I’d get to do all the ‘fun’ senior activities such as grad night and senior luau but I mean if you really think about it, senior year is just greatly overrated. And I want to get a move on with my life and begin to finally pursue my dreams of going away to some sort of Christian university and study photography. That’s all I really want as of right now. I have a lot of thinking to do over the next month since classes as saddleback start August 16… this is gonna be left as unsolved as of right now.